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The Stoic Paradox: Emotion as Strength

by | August 26th 2024 | C.L.E.A.R., Loosen, Respond

Key Points:

  1. Misinterpretation of Stoicism: Modern society often equates Stoicism with emotional suppression, especially in men, a misunderstanding that can lead to internal conflict and emotional vulnerability.
  2. Masculinity and Beyond: True Stoicism involves intelligence and emotional regulation, not avoidance. While men must learn to balance rationality with emotional expression, this lesson applies to everyone, regardless of gender.
  3. Practical Steps Forward: Individuals can rebuild a healthier relationship with their emotions by regularly expressing them, balancing logic and feelings, and engaging in cathartic activities.

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In our everyday lives, conversations often center around logistical concerns—money, transportation, and other responsibilities. While these topics are necessary, they frequently overshadow the emotional connections that could deepen our relationships. When did you last discuss your feelings with a loved one? When did you last ask them about theirs?

The modern man, in particular, often feels pressured to embody traits such as stoicism, competitiveness, and dominance, which society rewards but at significant emotional costs. These traits, misunderstood and misapplied, can alienate men from their emotional selves, leading to issues like anxiety, depression, and strained relationships. However, these challenges are not exclusive to men. Societal expectations around emotional expression and strength affect people of all genders, though they often manifest differently.

The Dilemma of the Modern Stoic

Stoicism—a philosophy founded by Zeno of Citium—initially promoted emotional balance, resilience, and rationality. It taught that while we cannot control events, we can control our reactions to them, a concept known as the “dichotomy of control.” This acceptance was intended to bring peace and focus on what truly matters, offering a hopeful path to emotional well-being.

However, modern interpretations of Stoicism often distort this philosophy. Instead of encouraging emotional management, it sometimes reinforces the harmful stereotype that men—and, by extension, others who are influenced by these expectations—should suppress their feelings. The result is a troubling internal conflict where individuals, particularly men, are left feeling emotionally vulnerable and disconnected from others. Emotions are signals that demand attention. They guide us to action, whether to address a problem or pursue something positive.

This misinterpretation of Stoicism, intended to help individuals navigate extreme situations like war, is unsuitable for daily life. Context is king. When people adopt a stoic facade, they may struggle to connect with their emotions and, by extension, with those around them.

“What really frightens and dismays us is not external events themselves, but the way in which we think about them. It is not things that disturb us, but our interpretation of their significance.”
― Epictetus

Relationship to Emotions

The path to a healthier relationship with emotions begins with acceptance. Real strength lies not in suppressing feelings but in understanding and managing them constructively. Much like the changing seasons, emotions are a natural part of life. While we cannot stop them from arising, we can choose how we respond. Stoic principles advocate for self-reflection, mindfulness, and emotional regulation—tools that help everyone navigate their emotions effectively, particularly those influenced by societal expectations around stoicism.

Here’s how you can start:

  • Express Emotions Regularly: It is crucial to find healthy ways to express emotions, whether through conversation, creative outlets, or even nurturing a pet. Research shows that regular emotional expression reduces stress, enhances mental health, and fosters stronger relationships and a more profound self-awareness.
  • Balance Rationality and Emotions: Life requires a blend of logic and empathy. For instance, when comforting a child who didn’t win a competition, balancing empathy with guidance can help them process their feelings and learn from the experience. Similarly, in a professional setting, understanding the emotional impact of a decision on your team while also considering the logical implications can lead to a more balanced and effective outcome. In a personal relationship, acknowledging your partner’s feelings while discussing the practical aspects of a situation can lead to a more empathetic and understanding connection.
  • Engage in Cathartic Activities: Physical activities like sports or creative pursuits offer healthy outlets for emotions like anger or frustration. These activities provide immediate relief by allowing you to release pent-up emotions and promote long-term emotional regulation by helping you better manage and understand your feelings. They can also create joy and fulfillment, improving your overall emotional well-being.

By understanding and applying Stoicism as initially intended, everyone—regardless of gender—can embrace a more balanced approach to life. This shift can help redefine masculinity, moving away from harmful stereotypes and towards a model of strength that includes emotional awareness and resilience.

CLEAR Mindset Connections:

Loosen: Reinterpret your relationship with emotions by releasing the false notion that strength requires emotional suppression. This loosening helps cultivate mental clarity and resilience.

Respond: By accepting and managing emotion; individuals can take decisive action and transform challenges into opportunities for emotional growth. This empowerment can lead to a more fulfilling and resilient life, instilling confidence in one’s emotional control.

Act Accordingly

True strength lies not in hiding emotions but in embracing and understanding them. Reinterpreting Stoicism to align with its original intent can help everyone build healthier relationships with themselves and others. Integrating these principles into daily life allows us to break free from stereotypes and foster genuine emotional well-being. Let’s start this journey towards a healthier, more balanced life, inspiring a new approach to emotional well-being.

Actionable Strategies:

  • Daily Emotional Check-Ins: Dedicate five minutes daily to reflect on your emotional state. Journaling can be a powerful tool for this.
  • Mindfulness Practices: Incorporate techniques like deep breathing or meditation to help manage emotions in real-time.
  • Engage in Physical Exercise: Regular physical activity can be a natural outlet for emotions, reducing stress and promoting mental clarity.
  • Creative Expression: Explore creative hobbies like painting, writing, or playing music to express emotions nonverbally.
  • Emotional Conversations: Set a goal to have one meaningful conversation each week with someone you trust, focusing on emotional topics.

Sean Sawyer, MS

Psychotherapist | Performance Coach

Sean Sawyer, a psychotherapist since 2003 and full-time trader since 2017. Sean uniquely blends psychology and trading, offering insights from both worlds. His experience in psychological trauma and performance psychology helps individuals master decision-making and resilience in high-pressure situations.